It’s amazing how much time loves saves you at first.
Peace.
There is nothing in my life I want more than peace. Peace in my own life and with the people I impact.
What I loathe is a burnt bridge. And I’m feeling the flames.
All I feel is unrest, and it’s starting to appear in my dreams the more I try to ignore it.
I never wanted to hurt anyone. I want to keep all of the people who I’ve ever had a relationship with of any kind, close. All of them.
Coming to terms with the fact that some people are as bad for me as I am for them.
I don’t want to hurt anyone. Feeling my own heart start to break isn’t nearly as bad as the thought of doing the same evil to those who never deserved it.
I never meant to. Never.
Basically like a walk in my parents’ backyard, back in the day. Taking walks/”walks” with boyfriends.
#life #love #happiness #beauty #failure #thoughts #journal #positivity
Future post.
Acknowledging the fact that my life has made two, completely different 180s…in 6 months. I am not where I expected to be in any way, shape or form. I think that’s beautiful.
I think life is beautiful no matter what happens to you in it. In the midst of the ugliest hour, there is always beauty and grace and hope. Somewhere. You just need to will yourself to be see it.
I think life is beautiful when you feel like a failure for a moment. Life is beautiful working at minimum wage, because you feel blessed by the people you encounter there. Life is beautiful when your world is crushed by the demise of a relationship you thought to be your saving grace. Life is beautiful when the same man who had purchased a ring to propose to you with [a ring. that if you’d had just one more month together would’ve been on your finger.] is telling the world bold faced lies about you. Life is beautiful when you feel completely alone. Life is beautiful when you realize you need all new friends. Life is beautiful when you are certain God is disappointed by you. Life is beautiful when you make the mistake you’ve made 1,000 times before…yet again.
You tell me you’re proud of me. Beautiful.
A post for another day.
The very best thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.
I wish this would be it.
I really am sick of dating.
If this were it, I would be happy.
I’m never going to settle, but I hope this is it.
#feminist #feminism #tricks of the trade #tricks #dating #love #lust #trickery
TRIX OF THE TRADE.
#love #waiting for love #introspective #love life #lover #single #cheaters
The Beauty
I have made it a point for years (not all) to try and see the beauty in everything.
It has been a conscious effort.
I look down on people who choose to see only ugliness.
Pessimists, who can’t appreciate the roof over their heads
or the air in their lungs
or the parents who love them
or the friend who would die for them.
And then there’s love. Love is a little more complicated.
I am not different than anyone else. I’ve had people break me down, try to ruin the respect i’ve had for myself or my outlook on the future. My outlook on people of the opposite sex. It might be true that half of the people in this world have been unable to be faithful in their relationship. But I’m not adding to that statistic.
I’m trying not to waste my time until I find something WORTH my time. Something I can’t escape, and wouldn’t want to. Something that consumes my mind, soul and heart.
I know there will be someone who thinks so highly of me and is so drawn to me that even if I tried to run from them, they would chase me. It would be meant to be. And it would happen.
I’m only 22 and it doesn’t matter how old I am when I run into this person.
I will. And I refuse to be worried.
One more time.
I just want a chance at love again.
A real one.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel it.”
To let yourself love.
I am good alone.
And you are good.
But we are good together. That wasn’t in my plan.
To leave my options open, until I can be guaranteed a forever. Until I can guarantee myself a forever - If I ever believe in a forever. This is the plan.
To tell you my options are open. To tell you not to be insulted. It’s an insult.
And when you’re with me, you’ll never know for sure if I was with someone else last night, or later that night, or tomorrow.
Because my options are open. You aren’t part of the plan.
I have a fear of wasted time. So I’m wasting yours instead.
Don’t get hurt. I warned you.
